"From Bigfoot to Pesky Deer, Readers have their Stories"
by Henry Miller
The Statesman Journal, Salem Oregon
<Non-relevant portions snipped, edited and spell-corrected>
A landowner in the Upper Grande Ronde River area had asked if would be a violation of game laws to shoot Bigfoot after a reported sighting in the Grande Ronde River-area.
"As a nonhuman primate, sasquatches are under the jurisdiction of the Oregon Department of Agriculture," Fish and Wildlife deadpanned in its response.
The item brought the following voice mail message offering opinions anthropological, legal and nonlethal:
"Henry, this is Larry Lesh in Bedford, Texas, in the Dallas/Fort Worth metroplex.
"I was calling ... I just read your, or the quoted comments from the Oregon Department of Agriculture regarding sasquatch and the sighting.
"There are reports, Henry, that the sasquatch may be what I call a protohuman, or it may be a prehuman.
"If it is a descendant of Homo erectus, or it is a descendant of Neanderthal man, then there's the possibility that a district attorney might decide to charge someone with murder.
"If somebody is really in a hurry to go get one, if you get within 21 feet of them, you can capture one of them using the Taser International's Model 2100 Taser, I think it's called the M26 Taser gun, or the Air Taser gun.
"Dr. Henner Fahrenbach has rendered an opinion for me that that weapon would knock down and knock out a sasquatch.
"Again, because there's so little known about them, it's anybody's guess, but if you shoot one, you're very likely to be charged with murder either in the first or second degree.
"Have a good one, and take care."The article was humorous, and I enjoyed it.
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